They won't talk about it. Isn't that just like men? They figure that if they just don't talk about it, it will go away.
Doyle is still in the hospital. I visit him every day, and he lets me kiss him, but it's just like he's humoring me. He isn't really kissing back.
I want him to kiss me back.
I want him to live.
One good thing about it is, Angel is spending so much time at the hospital that he's got the world's best alibi. When Wesley found that article in the newspaper about some vampire killing people the way Angelus used to do in the powdered-wig days, he was all set to blame Angel for it, until I pointed out that Angel has been at the hospital with Doyle every night this past week. Then he backed down and had to admit that it couldn't have been Angel.
I really need to talk to somebody, and it looks like it's going to be Wesley. What a joke! Confide in Wesley? As if. But then again, what other choice do I have?
WESLEY
Although I volunteered my services, Angel hasn't accepted my offer yet. I suspect that his refusal may have some connection to his associate, Doyle, who is still in hospital. Perhaps Angel fears offending the man's feelings. It seems odd that a vampire would be so considerate, but Angel seems to be quite devoted to this fellow.
So is Cordelia, and I must admit that rather distresses me.
Perhaps I should stop by the office again.
CORDELIA
When Wesley next showed up at the office, I went ahead and invited him in.
"Want some coffee?"
"No, thank you. Some tea, perhaps?"
"We don't have any upstairs, and Angel doesn't like me going down to his apartment when he's not around. Might have something to do with cutting up his linoleum."
"Ah, hmmm, whatever." Wesley had a newspaper in his hand.
"So, did anybody else get killed?"
"I'm afraid so. An adolescent boy, killed in the same way as the others. And yes, Cordelia, the time of death was quite clearly established at a time when Angel was at the hospital with Doyle. I assure you that I no longer suspect Angel of any involvement in the matter." He sighed. "I only wish that I could find the culprit myself, but that seems impossible."
"So, how come you're still in L.A.?"
Wesley blinked in surprise. "Pardon me?"
"You came to town to hunt down this demon, right? I get a vision, Angel hauls you out of there before you get killed, end of story. But, you're still here. You say you're not expecting to find the vampire who is doing the copycat killing, so that's not the reason why you're hanging around. What's the deal?"
"Ah, well, Cordelia, may I be frank with you?"
"Best way to be, if I say so myself, which I do."
"Ahem, yes. Well, the truth is, I'm concerned about you and Angel."
"About us? What kind of us do you mean? There isn't any us."
"Not you and Angel as a couple, of course. No, I realize that is not an issue. But I do owe you both a considerable debt for saving my life, and it appears that things are not well with you."
I looked at him, and sighed. "It shows that much?"
"Well, yes, it does. Does the problem have something to do with your Mr. Doyle?"
I nodded, and then it all spilled out. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone, you know? Even if it's only Wesley.
"Doyle's dying," I blurted out.
Wesley caught his breath, shocked. "Pardon me?"
"You heard me, I don't want to say it again. He has maybe a year to live, and Angel and I.... we....."
"You both care a great deal about him, don't you?"
Wesley's expression looked like he was finally beginning to understand. He reached out tentatively to touch my hand, like he was afraid I might pull it back or slap him or something.
I nodded miserably, letting him put his hand over mine. "I think I might even be in love with him, but I'm not sure. I need some time to find out, you know? But that's just what we don't have."
"If I may ask...."
"What happened? Well, actually he already died once...." and I launched into the whole story from the beginning. Wesley listened, really paying attention.
It felt really good to tell somebody. And, well, if there was a tear or two, Wesley didn't say anything about it. That was nice.
When I was finally done, he nodded slowly, like he was getting the picture at last.
"So, that certainly explains why both of you feel so strongly about Doyle. I'm sorry, Cordelia. I know that this is very difficult for you."
"I can't even give him back the visions, you know? It doesn't take. It's like he's already dead."
"Maybe he's simply not strong enough to be able to handle the visions right now. From the way you describe them, they sound quite painful, and I gather that he is still very weak."
"Yeah, and if it would keep him alive, I'd even put up with them, but it won't. My having the visions isn't helping him one bit. It's just like I took his job away from him. That was his whole big role in life, I guess, being the messenger for Angel and everything, and now it's me."
Wesley straightened in his chair.
"So," I went on, "He's sitting there in the hospital, and I've got his visions, and you want Angel to let you work here, and it's like we're just picking out the gravestone, you know? I think Doyle's giving up already, or maybe he thinks we're giving up on him. I don't want to give up on him, Wesley."
"So, my suspicion was correct. Angel fears that if he accepts my services, it would suggest to Doyle that he is no longer needed."
"The worst part is, they won't talk about it. There's only one other thing that I can think of, one way to keep Doyle with us, but they don't even want to talk about what's going to happen. So, how can I get them to talk about making it not happen?"
"A way to keep Doyle with you? What do you mean?"
"Angel would never let himself think of it. He wants Doyle to live just as much as I do, but I think he enjoys all the suffering. After all, when you're going to live forever, you expect everybody else around you to die."
"I suppose you have a point."
"I don't see why he can't - but they wouldn't even consider it. Men just refuse to see the obvious. This whole thing about being human, you know, it's highly overrated."
Wesley looked confused. "I'm sorry, I don't quite follow you."
"Well, what's wrong with living forever? I mean, Angel still looks good. No spiney things sticking out all over his face or anything like that."
"Is that a non sequitur, or did I simply miss the last stop of your train of thought?"
"If it were me, I'd make Angel do it, but naturally Doyle would never go for it. I don't know what the hangup is. There's being stubborn, and then there's being stupid, you know. If I were going to die, I'd take it in a New York minute."
"Surely you don't mean....."
"Well, yeah, of course. I was there when Willow did the whole spell thing, and it was a little weird, but it shouldn't be that tough to do it again. I mean, how hard can it be to find an Orb of Thessula?"
