He was trussed up with those chains like a sacrifice laid out for slaughter. I tried not to let too much of the anger show in my face as I started unlocking and pulling the chains away.
"Jeez, man, what were they thinkin'? Suppose something came in here to get you while you're helpless."
"A few hours ago, Doyle, anything that might have come in here would have regretted it for the rest of its very short life."
"So, you turned back? How'd that happen?"
"Long story. But I guess it will take awhile for you to get all those chains undone, so I might as well." And he started to explain about the actress who slipped him something that made him get way too happy for her own good.
My hands were shaking a little as I undid the chains, and it wasn't from fear, either. No matter how dangerous he was as Angelus, they should never have left him alone like this when he couldn't defend himself.
Something might have gotten in and killed him, and the thought of that.... well, it made me feel weaker than I did already, which was a neat trick in and of itself.
Finally I had it all off him, just about the time he finished telling me about Rebecca Lowell. With the chains gone, he stretched and sat up, rubbing his arms and legs. I moved back a bit, letting him move off the bed.
When he got up, I sat down on the edge of the bed. After he'd gotten himself uncramped by walking around a bit, and doing a few exercises, he turned back to me.
"Thanks for coming back," he said.
"It was time," I answered.
"What changed?"
"Well, mostly, I made a decision, about... what Cordelia asked you to do for me."
"Oh."
He came over then and sat down on the bed, a safe distance away from me, not touching me at all. "So, tell me."
"Well, I had to make up my mind before I came back. Otherwise it would be too easy to let you or Cordelia change my mind, you know."
"I suppose that tells me what your decision is, then."
"Yeah, I guess it does. I've been thinking about it plenty. Getting to live 'til we start zippin' around the galaxy in starships someday, even if I haveta stay away from those bikini babes at the beach in the meantime, well, it is kinda attractive, I have to admit. Especially doin' it with good company, such as yourself."
"There's a 'but' coming up," he said quietly.
"There's a 'but,' that's right. Even if they do the whole curse thing with me, that'll just make two of us who can't afford to get happy. Twice the danger, if we do start havin' too much fun, you get the picture?"
"Yes, I do."
"So we'll have to spend the rest of two immortal lives trying not to be happy, knowin' that the alternative is double trouble for the rest of the world. I suspect that I'd make one vicious vamp, y'know?"
He nodded silently. "The gentlest people sometimes make the most formidable vampires."
"I don't know much from gentle, to tell you the truth. I've got to admit it, I have a bit of a mean streak of my own, even though I try not to let it show much. But, the two of us as vampires of the evil kind, we could take down the world."
"Could happen."
"And to keep that from happenin', well, we gotta stay miserable, both of us, for however many hundred years we get before one of us gets staked, and the one thing that's worse than being miserable yourself is watching somebody else be miserable for you."
"True. Someone else's suffering is always harder to take than your own." He was looking at me, and I looked away.
"So, I really don't want to do that to either one of us."
"I understand."
"Anyway, once I had my mind made up, I figured it was time to come back."
"Despite everything," he said softly, "It's good to see you."
"Yeah. Same here."
"So, what's your situation right now?"
I shrugged. "The docs call it 'end-stage emphysema.' What that means in terms of time, nobody wants to say, except that sometimes people live with it for ten years, twenty years or more. Of course, you and I both have it on pretty good authority, that just ain't gonna happen with me."
"No," he whispered.
"I guess it makes some sense, though. I was wonderin' which would go first, the lungs or the liver, 'cause I guess I've earned a good go with either one of 'em. Heart's still sound, though."
"I know. I can hear it from here."
"Can you, now? I forget that sometimes."
"Your heart's still strong as ever," he said, and he half-smiled, the saddest little smile I'd ever seen. "I like hearing it."
"Yeah, well...."
I got to coughing then, and couldn't stop. I finally gave in and went fumbling in my pocket for that damned inhaler - I hate that thing, stupid docs should've known I'd never use it, it stinks worse than fifty demons.
It rolled on the floor and out of my reach, and oh shit, I couldn't breathe.
He was there then, grabbing the inhaler off the floor, putting it in my hand. I tried to use it straight away, but my hand wasn't exactly steady, and I had to try a couple of times before it did me any good.
Finally I got enough of that foul stuff into my lungs to calm down the spasms and get a little air in. It didn't seem like nearly enough air, but it would have to do.
I didn't want to look at him. I looked everywhere else but at him. I knew what would be on his face.
Then his arms went around me. He didn't say a word, and he didn't try to force me to meet his eyes. He just reached for me, and then I was being held. If it wasn't so warm an embrace as I could have used right then, feeling as cold as I did, it was all the strength I needed.
Finally my breathing calmed down enough that I could speak, if I wanted. I still took my time, pulling a handkerchief out of my pocket to wipe my mouth. He shifted his position a little to let me move, but he didn't let me go.
He wasn't going to like what I had to say.
"So," I said when I could get the words out. "There is goin' to be somethin' that you can do for me."
"What?" He was still holding me, and I didn't pull away.
"Even though I don't want to go the vampire route, I don't particularly want to die in hospital either, with a friggin' zillion tubes runnin' in and out of me. So, I've been thinking about what I'm gonna do, when I'm ready, which is not yet."
"Not yet," he echoed softly.
"I'm not lettin' go quite yet. But when the time comes, I'd rather decide for myself, you know? And you can help w'that."
His face was close to mine, but I still wasn't looking at him. "What did you have in mind?"
"When I ask you - and only when I ask you, mind, not before that...."
"Yes?"
"I'd like you to kill me, when I'm ready to go. To drain me, actually, if you wouldn't mind that."
His body jerked against mine. "NO."
"You don't haveta, if you don't want. Just killin' me will do, when I ask you. After all, the blood of a former half-demon with emphysema ain't goin' t'be quite so sweet as the blood of a slayer, but at least it's human now."
"Don't ask me....."
"You can skip the blood if you don't want it, but it's yours for the takin' when the time comes, if you do."
I felt him trembling then, with his arms still around me, and I made myself go on.
"You can think of it as the last thing I can give you. I'd like that."
"Oh God, Doyle."
He was shaking worse than I had been, and I couldn't look away any longer. I forced myself to meet his eyes, knowing what I would find there.
My hand went up, without thinking about it, to touch his face. Always pale, always cool, but now more than ever it was the face of a dead man, except for the pain in his eyes.
I touched him, and his eyes closed, hard. He moved his head so his lips touched my hand, and left them there.
"Doyle...."
"I'm still here."
He turned his head a little, and his lips moved against my hand then, his eyes still closed, like he was looking for something that he couldn't find if he kept them open.
I leaned in closer, and he pulled me up against him, so close that I could feel the length of his body against mine.
He didn't say anything. Neither did I.
I started to kiss him then, and he answered it like he'd been waiting for two hundred years, like my mouth wasn't bitter with the taste of inhaler, like my time was going to run out tomorrow.
