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email: shadowmage_draco@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don’t own them (sad face); Joss does. I
am only taking them out to play for a while and will return them when
done.
Spoilers: all episodes and hidden subtext are open for grabs.
Archive: Gary, Bill, Quin, Stephanie, all others feel free to post
them just send me an Email to let me know.
Pairing: B/T
Notes: The polls are closed, the masses have spoken, and the foundation has been laid so now begins the journey of the slayers dilemma series. This is the fourth installment and follows 'Inner Struggle. The cats out of the bag, major angst ahead.
(It‘s the voices, they are making me do this, so please don‘t hurt me). Feedback is a deeply appreciated, after all we are walking on uncharted waters here Hope you enjoy.
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Room 214:
"Willow I need to talk to you."
"About what?"
Buffy eyes were filled with determination as she moved to confront her best friend, "Actually I want to talk to you about a couple of things, first you keep telling me that your fine and it’s obvious your not and second, do you like Tara, for some reason she things you don’t."
Willow hugged herself as she rocked back in forth in her chair, "Buffy....I really don’t know how to explain what’s going on....I’m not even sure if I should tell you, but I can‘t go own like this any more."
Willow paused for a second as she gathered her inner strength to do what was possibly the hardest thing she had ever done, "It’s not that I don't like Tara....I do, she’s nice, and she’s kindacute, plus she’s a remarkably talented witch......It’s just, It’s just that....I, I.."
Buffy saw the look of pain and self doubt that was playing accrosed Willow’s face as she labored to force the words out. Concern for the red head echoed in her voice as she tried to reassure her friend, "Wills, you can tell me anything, I hope you know that. So please let me know what’s bothering."
"I-i-i’m.......jealousofherbecauseI’msomuchinlovewithyouithurtsnottobewithyou"
Sadness filled Buffy’s as she looked at the young woman who had just professed her love for her. It felt like her best friend and confidant had just hit her with a ton of bricks. Tears started to roll down the slayers cheeks, "Willow, why?"
Willow’s mind filled with confusion at the slayer’s question, "Why..D-do I love you?"
Buffy shook her head then looked at the red head, her voice was laced with immense pain as she spoke, "No. Why now, why when I find someone that I really care about do you decide to tell me that you love me, It‘s not fair."
Buffy’s voice filled with sadness and she found herself sobbing in between words, " I’ve loved you for two years. I did everything but make a pass at you in hopes that you might feel the same way about me but you never showed any sign that you did, and now that I found someone that I love and who loves me back you decide to finally profess your love for me, Why!"
Willow walked towards Buffy, but the slayer backed away from her, she then tried to put on her resolve face but it was nowhere to be found among the tears that where cascading down her cheeks, "I only recently realized that I was in love with you and I had to tell you, not because I wanted to turn your life upside down, but because I longed to be with you. Buffy I love you so much that it’s tearing me up inside."
"So you told me hoping the pain will go away, is that it. Well if you want to talk about pain try being in love with your best friend for two tears only to have every attempt to confess that love taken as friendship or ignored, now that’s pain."
Willow was now opening weeping as the slayers words struck home, "I’m so sorry, I wish that I would have told y-you earlier, I w-wish t-that....I w-would h-have r-realized how I....Ff-felt about you before now.....but I didn’t. I didn’t w-want to h-hurt you but I had h-hoped that m-maybe we could be t-together."
Buffy sat down on her bed and gazed at Willow, her eyes where filled with torment and her words came out broken as she tried to fight back the tears, "This isn’t fair, what am I suppose to do, I never stopped loving you, but now I’m with Tara, and I love her, truly love her."
Buffy then rested her head in her hands as flood of tears streamed down her face. Willow went over to Her to try and comfort her friend from the pain she had caused, "Buffy I...."
"Willow, please don’t," sobbed the slayer.
Trembling from her weeping, Buffy stood up and walked slowly began to walk towards the door Willow heart felt like it was being crushed into a thousand pieces as she watched the blonde start to leave. "Where are y-you going," sobbed the red head.
"I have got to get away from here, I have gotta think things over."
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Tara watched with tear stained eyes as her lover walked out into the hallway, she had come over with Buffy hoping that the blonde would find out what was bothering Willow, but she had never imagined the scene she had just listened to through the closed door of room 214. She could see the hurt in her loves eyes over what had just occurred, "B-b-buffy....y-you OK?"
Buffy looked over at Tara and saw that she had been crying, she walked over to her girlfriend and pulled the girl into an embrace, resting her head on the Wicca’s shoulder, "Not really.....You heard didn‘t you?"
"Y-y-yes. S-so w-what n-now?"
"I don’t know....Could I sleep at your place tonight?"
"S-sure if that’s w-what.....you w-want."
"It is."
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Willow stood there barley holding onto reality as she stared at the door Buffy had left through a few minuets ago. She was wondering why things had went so terribly wrong, all she had wanted was to tell Buffy how she felt, she had hoped maybe the slayer felt the same way about her and that maybe they might have a future together. She realized now that Buffy not only loved her but had for a long time. However she might have been to late in telling the blonde who had become her entire world that she loved her, after all she was here and Buffy was most likely at Tara’s. If only she had realized what her friend had been trying to tell her all these years then maybe things would be different now, but she hadn’t and now she was paying the price.
She fell face first onto her bed sobbing, consumed by both anguish and confusion. She knew she loved Buffy and wanted to be with her moire than anything in the world, and the thought that might not be possible gnawed at her soul like a thousand piranha in a pool. At the same time she found herself thinking about the girl who was holding the keys to Buffy’s heart, not only had Tara become a good friend and powerful magic partner, she had a sweet tender personality that was euphoric In fact the only problem she could find with Tara is that they both loved Buffy ---------------------------------------------------
"B-buffy...I-is it t-true?"
"Is what true," Replied Buffy as she rested her head on Taras lap.
Tara‘s voice was laced with anxiety, "T-hat y-you l-love her."
Buffy sat up and faced Tara, her eyes filling with tears as she gazed into Tara’s soft blue eyes, shame clearly showed on her face as she answered the blonde Wicca, "Yes, it’s true," sobbed the slayer.
Tara felt like a sharp dagger had just been rammed through her heart, her body began to physically shake from the fear that she might loose Buffy, "W-where ...d-does that........l-leave.....u-us?"
Buffy slid closer to Tara and tenderly wrapped her arms around her lover, "I might still be in love with Willow, but I love you and your the one I’m with"
Tara was openly crying as Buffy held embraced her, "W-who do you l-love m-more,
m-me or W-willow.....b-because t-that is...t-the p-person you...s-should be w-w-with."
Buffy let out a sigh of anguish, "I honestly can’t answer that question?"
Tara was barely able to force the words out of her mouth but she knew that they had to be said, "Y-you n-need to f-find......out. M-maybe y-you shouldn’t....s-stay
h-here....t-tonight."
Buffy leaned over and softly pressed her lips against Tara’s, "I love you, I hope you know that. If you want me to go away I will," Sobbed the slayer.
Tears streamed from Tara's eyes like a raging waterfall as she replied to Buffy ever so faintly, "I d-don’t w-want you t-to leave.....I o-only w-want w-what is best for y-you."
"Then I beg of you, please don’t make me leave."
Tara leaned into Buffy and firmly pressed her lips against the slayer’s, "Stay."
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The two girls laid in bed in a close embrace, neither one saying a word, both of them lost in there own thoughts, uncertain of what the future had in store for them.
Tara’s mind was filled with uneasiness as she slowly drifted to sleep, she loved Buffy more than anything in the world but feared she was going to loose her to Willow She didn’t know how she could possibly compete for Buffy’s affection against the red head, Willow was beautiful, confidant, intelligent and on heck of a witch, Buffy tried to fall to sleep but couldn’t, she found herself torn between Tara, the woman that she loved who shown her a love so deep and pure that she had never know had existed before , and Willow, her best friend and companion whom she had loved for years and still deeply loved. She didn’t know what to do, her feelings for the two Wicca where equally strong, -----------------------------------------
As the moon shined in all it’s glory over the Sunnydale it’s inhabitants rested in quiet slumber except for three young women whose hearts were being consumed by the anguish created from the fires of love. Each one of them doubting their future, fearing that they were on the verge of losing everything that they cared about, and hoping that just maybe fate would take it’s hand and give to them their hearts desires.
The End (For now)