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DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, Joss owns it all. I only own the twisted plot.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I got the idea for this fic after reading Laura Smith’s “Paying Attention” and its sequel “The High Cost of Attention”. Plus listening to Jennifer Lopez’s new song and “How” by Lisa Loeb
DISTRIBUTION: Just ask.
SPOILERS: Up to and including “Lover’s Walk” in the 3rd season
RATING: I am going to say PG-16, just in case (Language and lotsa sex talk) (A little angsty)
SUMMARY: Oz goes to visit Cordeila in the hospital after her fall. It also answers the question of why Cordy wanted Buffy gone from Sunnydale.
All thoughts are in < and >
Oz stared down at his hands and closed his eyes. The pain in his head and his heart was far from subsiding. It hurt worse now then it had in the beginning, due a large part to the shock that had worn off and left him vulnerable to his feelings. All he felt was an overdose of heartache mixed in with disbelief.
Oz glanced up quickly from his position in the plastic chair and met Cordy’s gaze across the room. Oz didn’t know what lead him to her hospital room in the middle of the night, except for some sort of need, a need to be understood and a fellow sympathizer. That and the fact that they had just both been screwed by their former significant others.
Cordy sighed heavily and scooted up in the horribly uncomfortable bed, attempting to ignore the pain in her stomach, until she had Oz’s face into better focus. His normally expressionless face seemed to mirror her own: hate, longing, betrayal, pain, heartache, and a complete lack of coherent thought were all tumbling around, trying to be worse than the other, but only succeeding in more and more heartache. Oz kept his gaze even on her face as she continued to shift under the covers. < Obviously the pain is hard for her to bear > Oz thought to himself. < Not just the pain in her heart but also the pain in her side. > Oz looked down again, and started counting the number of tiles on the floor. He had gotten to 12 when Cordy finally broke the silence.
“How could they do this to us?” Oz looked up at her with hopelessness and pain in his eyes. “that’s what you’ve been thinking about, hasn’t it were-boy? How could a mousy hacker and a damn dork cheat on the very people that loved them? How could they shatter the illusion of a happy couple being able to survive on the Hellmouth in peace and love? How could they not realize what they were doing and stop it before it got too far?” Cordy paused. Oz waited patiently for the rest. So far, she was absolutely right in every respect. It was like they were thinking alike.
“Oh, and did I tell you the visitors I got earlier today?” Oz shook his head. “Well,” she continued, “Xander came by begging his forgiveness. I told him to leave me alone. Willow stopped by for a brief, *very brief* looksee at me, and left that” Cordy pointed over to a bouquet of daisies laying in a vase “ with a card that read ‘I’m sorry for the pain that me and Xander caused you. I hope you get better soon.’ I threw it in the trash can. The Watcher dropped by to offer his condolences on falling down in the factory. He left me these” Cordy pointed over to a box of chocolates laying opened on her roll-away table “to eat. I think he wants me to get fat or something” Oz smiled “plus.....everyone’s favorite Slayer, Miss Buffy Summers, who had some interesting info she thought I should know about. Or rather, both of us should know.”
Intrigued, Oz got up from the chair and advanced on Cordy, until he was directly beside her. He motioned to the bed, and she moved her legs around to give him room. He sat and leaned in, and anyone walking by would have thought that they were about to kiss, as intense it had gotten in there.
Cordy stared directly into his face and repeated, word for word, what Buffy had told her.
“It wasn’t the first time that they had kissed each other. There were several other ‘incidents’ which began with a kiss when she was trying on dresses for Homecoming. From there, it was playing footsie under the table, to touching each others hands, to making out in the library stacks and up to where you and Oz found them in the factory.” Oz gaped at her. “So” Cordy continued on “it HAS been happening for awhile. Willow only told Buffy a week ago so Buffy could understand what had been going on between them. Buffy came to me near tears and explained to me that neither one wanted us to find out, that it was only supposed to be a one time thing. But it got out of hand....” Cordy trailed off, trying to regain her emotions, but failing miserably. She leaned forward and began sobbing into her hands. Oz reached out for her but was quickly rebuffed. Cordy stared angrily at him. “DON’T YOU REALIZE OZ???” Cordy was screaming, yelling for the heartache, for the pain in her side, for her ruined dreams, for everything. “SHE KNEW THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME! SHE KNEW AND DIDN’T BOTHER TO TELL US THAT OUR LOVES WERE MESSING AROUND BEHIND OUR BACKS.” Cordy’s sobs came more recklessly, and this time when he reached to hold her, she didn’t try to throw him off. She just continued crying and moaning.
Cordy and Oz sat like that for well about 20 minutes , with her just sobbing as he gently rocked her back and forth. Finally her sobs subsided and were reduced to a few sniffles. Oz pulled away from the embrace and looked down onto her face. The pretty face he remembered was gone, replaced by a red faced girl, who was covered in tears and whose face was puffy and eyes bloodshot. She glanced up into his eyes and said a silent “Thanks.” Oz merely nodded and retreated back to his chair and sat down again. Between hiccupping sniffles, Cordy said:
“What say you and me get drunk?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was two weeks later when they got together at Cordy’s house. After the vodka and tequila had been finished, the rest of the chocolates eaten, and the door to Cordy’s bedroom shut and locked, Oz and Cordy began to talk about Xander, willow, the betrayal, and Buffy’s role.
“You know me and Xander were...um...kind of close, right?” Cordy asked Oz point blank. The alcohol had made both loosen up and had removed any and all inhibitions they had previously. Oz was stretched out alongside the bed on the floor on top of an extra blanket they had found in the closet. His shoes were thrown off to the side and his hands were laying atop his chest. Cordy was laying down on her bed. Both were looking up to the darkened ceiling. The lights were the first thing that had gone off. Only a small lamp lit up the room.
Oz cleared his throat and began to giggle girlishly. “*How* intimate?”
Cordy giggled along with him and then stopped abruptly. She leaned over the edge of the bed carefully, and giggled once, replying with “VERY intimate!”
Oz glanced up at her face hanging in mid air. “Did you guys have sex?”
Cordy looked at him surprised. “NO!! We did...other stuff. I can show you how big he is.” Cordy pulled herself back up onto the bed and spaced her hands about 6 or so inches apart. “He’s like that everytime I went near him. He liked it went I stroked him and did this thing with my tongue....” she trailed off as she licked her lips. “He also knew how to, um pleasure me in other ways.” Cordy began giggling again, thinking back to the first time they had attempted anything remotely sexual.
“It had been awkward, you know? Yet a time of discovery. Because of Xander, I know how guys liked to be touched and how it felt to be touched by a guy. It had exhilarated me when Xander looked at me with his lustful expression. After the first time, the whole relationship seemed to change for the better. It was right before the summer after I saw him in the speedo. It was like...hey, this hunk is my boyfriend, why not have some fun? So we did.....and it was great. I guess I should have noticed the changes after the Homecoming dance.” Cordy sighed and returned her hands back to the top of her stomach. “He was so unphysical with me. He didn’t seem to want to be around me anymore, or to touch or kiss me. And that’s what I wanted. To be loved. He just didn’t seem right.” She laid back down on the pillow and closed her eyes. Oz’s next words startled her out of her thoughts.
“Yeah, well he’s still an asshole.”
“HE IS NOT!” Cordy said, ready to defend the Xander she had known and loved. “It’s not his fault that your red-haired ’Oh-I’m-so-innocent’ bitch of a girlfriend put the moves on him. You know how it happened the first time don’t you?” Cordy carefully eased herself out of the bed and onto the floor, where she reached down to pick up Oz. Oz, too stunned to speak out or act in any way, was roughly jerked to his feet. “They were putting on their Homecoming clothes when Lisa Loeb started singing that damn song ‘How’ or ‘What’ or some other damn name. She told him that she was afraid she couldn’t dance in the dress, he pulled her close like this” Cordy pulled Oz in to her waiting arms very closely “ and began to dance to the music like this.” Oz and Cordy began to sway to the imaginary music and got so close that their chests were touching, as were their legs, and other certain parts of their anatomy. Cordy leaned over and whispered the rest softly in his ear, tickling the hair around his earlobe. ‘And then they leaned over to one another, caught in the moment and began to kiss.” She whispered the final word and gave one last long sway and then stopped abruptly. “And that was how it first came about.” With the demonstration over and done with, she pulled herself back up to the bed. “See...we avoided the temptation, so why couldn’t they?”
Oz just stared helplessly at her, feeling the erection grow underneath his pants. He threw himself down to the ground on his side and moaned.
"Damn you Cordeila to hell!” he growled venomously. “You did this on purpose you little rich bitch, you did it to make me squirm!” He glared at her from his position on the floor.
He wiggled around a bit, trying to think of the cold, of his grandmother, of Giles. It was instantly gone at the mere thought of Giles. Oz sighed and pulled himself up to a sitting position. He glared back up at the bed where Cordeila was staring at him mockingly.
“What are you going to do about it, big boy?” she challenged him, sliding under the covers once more.
Oz jumped up and threw himself on top of her. He leaned down until their noses were touching and he pressed his lower half on her body tightly, making her squirm and his animal instincts only react stronger.
“Stop Oz...my side.. ” Cordy was protesting, but to no avail. Oz knew that Cordy’s wound was lower down than where he was perched atop of. He bent down farther, the alcohol and her scent making him feel more animallike than human. He thrust himself forward and watched her struggles with a gleam in his eyes. He bent down farther, placed a lingering kiss on her neck, then her lips.
“That’s what I am going to do about it.” He teased her. He released his body from hers and watched as her entire body shuddered away when his body left. Cordy began taking deep breaths and attempted to relax her rapidly beating heart. She moaned in pleasure over how her trick had been returned and sighed. She relaxed into the bed and her head began to get drowsy. She looked over at Oz and asked him the question she had always wondered about. He sat back down on the floor and looked at her.
“No,” he said honestly, his face thoughtful and relaxed. Her smell and his animalistic tendencies had dimmed, and he felt more like himself. He thought it was the alcohol that had made him act the way he had. He relaxed onto the blanket and put his arms behind his head. “I don’t ......didn’t think that we were both ready for the next step yet. I mean just kissing her alone makes...er, *made* me feel happy and complete. We didn’t need anything but our lips pressed to one each others and our hands holding on for dear life to get off on. Hell, just the *thought* of her tongue in my mouth gave me the shivers.” He looked up at her and grinned. “I know that sounds corny to you after all the stuff you and Xander did, but I wanted it to be special, not for my sake, but for Willow’s. She’s had the fantasy of Xander all her life, and in a way, I was afraid that afterwards, she would compare it to her fantasy and realize how unspecial it was, even if it came from the heart.” He shrugged. “Whoever Willow’s first *will be* is the one that loves her the most completely.” He looked back up to Cordy, who was softly crying. “Ah! Don’t cry! Everything is going to be fine, I promise.” He reached out and softly touched her hand. Cordy giggled in the midst of her crying and smiled down at him.
“We are just going to continue to be in love with them, aren’t we?” Cordy asked of Oz. He slowly nodded his head. “No matter how hard we try to not admit it, or try to fake and pretend, we are always going to compare everyone else to them and see if they are better. But no one will ever be, because they were special to us.” Cordy gave a big huge yawn and closed her eyes. “And I, for one, feel as if I am going to sleep now.” Oz murmured his agreement and reached over to shut off the light.
“Night Oz....and I’ll see you tomorrow with a hangover and a MASSIVE guilt trip.”
Oz laughed softly in the darkness. “Night Cordy.....and I know you still love that little asshole.”
“And you love that little bitch.”
“Hey Cordy?”
“Yeah Oz?”
“Why don’t we keep everything we said tonight a secret from everyone, the way Xander and Willow did. Think of it as a little pity party for the two of us.”
Cordy’s genuine laughter rang out in the dark room. “Oz....do you REALLY think that I was going to tell everyone I spent a night with my ex-boyfriend’s best friend’s ex-boyfriend? As if!”
Oz’s laughter echoed her statements.
THE END
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